The Style Invitational Week 870: 'Jeopardy!' with
Googlenopes
By The Empress
Saturday, May 22, 2010; C02
-- "Avoid these potty training
missteps" (Drew Bennett)
-- "My condolence card to Bernie
Madoff" (Stephen Dudzik)
-- "A Luddite visionary" (Dave
Zarrow)
-- "The ruly and gruntled mob"
(Russell Beland)
-- "Dick Cheney at his
cuddliest" (Phil Frankenfeld)
-- "The Westboro Baptist commitment
ceremony" (Anne Paris)
-- "More awesome than a meal of
road-kill possum" (Peter Metrinko)
-- "Tildes, umlauts and
schwas" (Craig Dykstra)
-- "Tattoos your mom will
love" (Judy Blanchard)
-- "E. coli puns" (Mark
Richardson)
-- "Larry King workout
DVD" (Chris Doyle)
Last week we posted dozens of
Googlenopes -- phrases that yielded that "no results found" icon when
you Googled them. The Empress is renowned for refusing to waste anything but
time, and so we now venture back into the entry pool to use some other G'nopes
as "answers" in our perennial "Jeopardy"-type contest.
This week: Describe any of the
above phrases in the form of a question.
Direct from Hawaii, a really
rockin' Obama dashboard doll -- in Hawaiian garb (plus maybe the nuclear
football hanging from his belt) but oddly stocky in build, as if he's been
gobbling poi. This isn't a bobblehead but a bobbletorso: The whole upper body
is on a spring. Brought back for us by Loser Beverley Sharp.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Tuesday, June 1. Put "Week 870" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries
may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published June 19. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Craig Dykstra;
this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.
Report From Week 866, in which we asked for two overlapping names, or a name overlapping
with another word or expression (the spellings of the overlapping part of the
names didn't have to be identical):
The winner of the Inker
Mike Tyson Chicken:
"Mmm, tastes just like
ear!" (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)
2. the winner of the
battery-operated Loser Liquor Dispenser:
Edgar Allan Popeil: Quoth the
Raven, "Wait, there's more!" (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
3. T.S. Eliot Spitzer: He
dared. (Seth Tucker, Washington, a First Offender)
4. Harry S. Truman Capote:
The sign on his desk says, "Young bucks, stop here!" (Lawrence
McGuire, Waldorf)
Mal-Amalgrams: Honorable Mentions
Nicolas Sarkozymandias:
"Look on my wife, ye mighty, and despair!" (Brendan Beary, Great
Mills)
Brigitte Bardotcom: Early
Internet provider of topless pictures. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
William Blake Edwards: Known
for the famous poem "Panthyr! Panthyr! Burning Pink." (Lawrence
McGuire)
Ben Roethlisberger King:
C'mon, you know you want it my way. (Mike Gips, Bethesda)
Jason Campbell Soup: Freshly
canned. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville; Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Humphrey Bogart Carney: He
often played an underworld figure. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
J. Edgar Hooversace: Designer
specializing in men's evening gowns. (Mae Scanlan)
Captain Morgan Freeman:
Starred in "Driving Miss Daisy to Drink." (Craig Dykstra)
Emily Post-Apocalypse: She
advises you which of your three new arms you should use to hold the cocktail
fork at the Nuclear Winter Ball. (Leighanne Mazure, Forest Hills, N.Y, a First
Offender)
Sally Field Marshal Goering:
The Flying Hun. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
RuPaul Newman: Star of
"Cool Hand Lucy." (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Babe Ruth Buzzi: Hit 714 home
runs with her purse. (Eric Sorensen, Washington, a First Offender)
Sugar Ray Leonardo da Vinci:
He puts guys down on canvas. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
John Deere John: I've decided
our neighbor's grass is greener, so . . . (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring)
Stephen Strasburg, Va.: Where
the speed limit is 101 mph (80 on curves). (Eric Sorensen)
Chippendale Earnhardt: The
dancer with sponsor logos on his G-string. (Pam Sweeney)
Weird Al Sharpton: Al
Sharpton. (Craig Dykstra)
Brooks Robinson
Crusoe: Baltimore Oriole who was stranded at third base for 20 years. (Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Eleanor Holmes Norton
AntiVirus: Supposedly there to serve an important purpose, but mostly just
slows down the system. (Brendan Beary)
Helen Thomas
Jefferson: She's worked out of the White House since 1801. (Chris Doyle)
Nicorette Butler:
Gum-smacking gambler in "Gone With the Winstons." (Chris Doyle)
Maya Angelou Ferrigno:
Stopped singing and busted outta the damn cage. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)
James Joyce Kilmer: Wrote
"A Portrait of the Artist as a Sapling." (Marleen May, Rockville)
The New Yorkermit the Frog:
It isn't easy being smarter than everyone. (Bill Spencer, Cockeysville, Md.)
Norman Chad Ochocinco: Sports
columnist/poker announcer who changes his surname each time he remarries. (Pam
Sweeney)
Betsy Ross Perot: Thirteen
stars, thirteen stripes, simple as that. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
Cialis in Wonderland: Just
swallow it and grow. (John Cogburn, Southlake, Tex.)
Lady GaGandhi: One hot
Mahatma. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
T.S. Eliot Spitzer: Poet who
penned the immortal lines: "In the room the women come and go/That's how
you find a high-priced ho." (Anne Paris Hilton, Arlington)
Robert the Bruce Springsteen:
Born to Rune. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
Burt Ward 8: Wholly forgotten
and neglected. (Jeff Contompasis)
Martha Stewart Smalley: TV
personality who's good enough, and smart enough, but gosh darn it, people don't
like her. (Seth Tucker)
Mr. T Party: "I pity
these fools." (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
Barney Frankly My Dear: Don't
ask. Don't tell. Don't care. (Mike Anderson, Billings, Mont.)
Through the Looking-Glass
Menagerie: A bread-and-butterfly, a walrus, walking oysters, the March Hare and
a unicorn [crash] oops, a horse. (Randy Lee, Burke)
Joe Biden His Time: Waiting
for a big &*{$181}%ing deal. (Ron Nessen, Bethesda)
Mack Sennett Majority Leader
Harry Reid: Director of a bunch of clowns. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)
Lenny Bruce Wayne: What, are
you dense? Who the hell do you think he is? He's the &%*@# Batman. (Randy
Lee)
Janis Ian Fleming: Creator of
the famous spy 017. (Peter Metrinko)
The Washington Post-it Note:
The print newspaper in 2020. (Jeff Loren, Manassas)
Next week: Back in the saddle, or Mare-Go-Round